Why Did I Do This?

Tonight I’m going to sleep wondering why on earth I ever thought I could be a developer  again and why the hell I put my family through such needless suffering, but tomorrow, InSha’Allah, I’ll wake up and remember why.

There were a small number of people who were there for me during my darkest hours when things were so very bleak, when I couldn't sell things fast enough to make rent, when I stopped drinking coffee because I couldn't afford it, and I wondered when my family would just lose it with me for allowing us to get into such a precarious position. 

No matter how many times I was let down though, I didn't blame anyone but myself. I kept putting one foot in front of another and reminding myself that the only way through it was to keep going. 

I'm still not out, but every time a well meaning person asks me if I'd go back to corporate life I don't even hesitate to say "No!" 

What would have been the point of going through what I've gone through unless it was to learn the lessons and apply them?

At 55, which corporation would want me anyway? My transferable skills might still be there, but let's be frank, even at PlayStation I was borderline unemployable. I just happened to get lucky for a few years. 

So tomorrow I'll wake up at 4:20am InSha'Allah and I'll keep going.